Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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