i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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