That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my liver is dry heaving
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
