I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
