I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
