you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
