I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
