last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
