best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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