White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
