Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
