You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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