he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
