Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
