it wasn't lemon gatorade
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
