It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
