Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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