I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
