Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
