it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
