Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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