Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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