you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
