There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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