Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
