i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
