Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
