You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
