This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
