If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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