If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
