the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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