I am puke
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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