Pappa wants mamma naked
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This baby is an asshole
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Boobs are out for the taking
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
