I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
