Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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