Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
