this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
