There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
