my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
