hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
