Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
