I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
