Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
