in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
