on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
