we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
