About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
