A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
