I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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